Before I get to the "real" blog post, I need to share two sweet reminders of the Lord's nearness in the past few weeks.
- Remember how we met a couple at orientation, and the girl was from Garland? How she and I went to the same church as children? Turns out she was also college roommates with a friend in my home group.
- David and I don't have family doctors, so we just went to the ones closest to us for physicals - needed a form completed for our application. The physician I saw pulled out his phone in the middle of my appointment to show me photos of his sons - all 3 were adopted. Don't worry - I burst into tears. And thankfully, he did not make any changes to the "emotionally stable" portion of the form after that. :)
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Adoption paperwork is easy. I mean, it’s tedious for sure,
but it’s easy. How tall are you? Where were you born? What is your maternal
grandmother’s highest level of education? (I told you – tedious.) These are
questions with concrete answers that may take some research but require zero thought
or consideration. We’ve finished most of these forms at this point.
Writing an autobiography, however, this is not so
task-oriented. This involves a lot more soul-searching and excavation of the
heart. How would you describe your parents in relation to the kind of parent
you want to be? Discuss your feelings about your inability to have biological
children. Explain why you believe you are ready to adopt.
……..Ummmmm………........
A few years ago, I heard someone use the phrase “type
A-minus,” and I’ve described myself as such ever since. I like to keep things
organized and clearly analyzed. I love structure and rules and order. But I’m
easily distracted by pretty things. My feelings often trump the priorities on
my task list. And, because my inner perfectionist often has me obsessing over
those last untamed tresses, I’m constantly battling my tendency to be late. (Well,
let’s be honest – that’s mostly just vanity, but whatever…)
So I am perpetually at odds with myself and with the task at
hand: articulating my life history. This thing has got to be thorough, covering
all the bases. It needs to portray with accuracy and authenticity the most pleasant
and poignant moments in my life. It
needs to provide insight into who I am and why I am the way that I am. But it’s
got to be beautiful - evocative. I want the reader in tears - tears, people. But again,
that’s probably vanity.
The writing process has been daunting and a bit
overwhelming, but it’ll get done. After countless revisions, it’s still not
perfect. But I think it’s gonna be okay. Here’s how I answered that last
question:
I don’t believe I’ll ever be "ready" to
adopt. Just as I don't know that I would ever be "ready" to parent a
biological child. Unanimously, those with kids have advised us that babies
are life-changers, and we've known enough first-time parents to know that you
can only prepare so much. But this – adoption – this is what the Lord has set
before us. And that alone makes me believe we are ready. This is where He’s led
us – He will provide. Where we are
selfish and self-motivated, He grants patience and humility. Where we are
fearful and frantic, He is sovereign and good. In our weakness, His power is
made perfect. And He’s provided already. A warm and happy home, more
comfortable than we ever expected for ourselves. A strong marriage, continually
growing in love and respect for one another with each year. A church
community where adoption and fostering is increasingly the norm – where there
are more than enough families to turn to when we have questions, fears,
concerns. Friends and family who have loved and supported us with each step of
the process so far…. I know I gush, but He’s given us much to be grateful for –
far beyond what we need. And above all of these things, He’s given us Himself.
So, even if we are not “ready” to be parents, He is.
