On writing an autobiography

Before I get to the "real" blog post, I need to share two sweet reminders of the Lord's nearness in the past few weeks.

• Remember how we met a couple at orientation, and the girl was from Garland? How she and I went to the same church as children? Turns out she was also college roommates with a friend in my home group.
• David and I don't have family doctors, so we just went to the ones closest to us for physicals - needed a form completed for our application. The physician I saw pulled out his phone in the middle of my appointment to show me photos of his sons - all 3 were adopted. Don't worry - I burst into tears. And thankfully, he did not make any changes to the "emotionally stable" portion of the form after that.   :)

*********************************

Adoption paperwork is easy. I mean, it’s tedious for sure, but it’s easy. How tall are you? Where were you born? What is your maternal grandmother’s highest level of education? (I told you – tedious.) These are questions with concrete answers that may take some research but require zero thought or consideration. We’ve finished most of these forms at this point.

Writing an autobiography, however, this is not so task-oriented. This involves a lot more soul-searching and excavation of the heart. How would you describe your parents in relation to the kind of parent you want to be? Discuss your feelings about your inability to have biological children. Explain why you believe you are ready to adopt.

……..Ummmmm………........

A few years ago, I heard someone use the phrase “type A-minus,” and I’ve described myself as such ever since. I like to keep things organized and clearly analyzed. I love structure and rules and order. But I’m easily distracted by pretty things. My feelings often trump the priorities on my task list. And, because my inner perfectionist often has me obsessing over those last untamed tresses, I’m constantly battling my tendency to be late. (Well, let’s be honest – that’s mostly just vanity, but whatever…)

So I am perpetually at odds with myself and with the task at hand: articulating my life history. This thing has got to be thorough, covering all the bases. It needs to portray with accuracy and authenticity the most pleasant and poignant moments in my life.  It needs to provide insight into who I am and why I am the way that I am. But it’s got to be beautiful - evocative. I want the reader in tears - tears, people. But again, that’s probably vanity.

The writing process has been daunting and a bit overwhelming, but it’ll get done. After countless revisions, it’s still not perfect. But I think it’s gonna be okay. Here’s how I answered that last question:

I don’t believe I’ll ever be "ready" to adopt. Just as I don't know that I would ever be "ready" to parent a biological child. Unanimously, those with kids have advised us that babies are life-changers, and we've known enough first-time parents to know that you can only prepare so much. But this – adoption – this is what the Lord has set before us. And that alone makes me believe we are ready. This is where He’s led us – He will provide. Where we are selfish and self-motivated, He grants patience and humility. Where we are fearful and frantic, He is sovereign and good. In our weakness, His power is made perfect. And He’s provided already. A warm and happy home, more comfortable than we ever expected for ourselves. A strong marriage, continually growing in love and respect for one another with each year. A church community where adoption and fostering is increasingly the norm – where there are more than enough families to turn to when we have questions, fears, concerns. Friends and family who have loved and supported us with each step of the process so far…. I know I gush, but He’s given us much to be grateful for – far beyond what we need. And above all of these things, He’s given us Himself. So, even if we are not “ready” to be parents, He is.

Facts.

First of all, thank you guys so much for all the love and support. We are super grateful. And now - my attempt to fill you in on all the details: 


There are a handful of children in this world that I love so much, it makes my heart ache. And I’ve yet to meet a child (or a dog, for that matter) that David couldn’t win over. But he and I have never been just desperate for children. We’ve been married since August of 2007, and we’ve had it good – really, really good. When our friends started having babies several years ago, we were hesitant to follow suit. But the Lord began to remind us that children are a blessing, and that a family is a good and beautiful thing. (Psalm 127) In 2010, we stopped actively preventing children. After nearly a year of no pregnancy by “chance,” we started “trying.” And after about another year with no baby, my doctor still recommended giving it a few more months. During that time, we started the conversation, “If something is wrong, how far do we take this process?”

We agreed fairly quickly that we’d have testing done to get all of the facts, but we far preferred adoption over anything medical. Sure enough, testing told us last Fall that the chances of a biological baby were slim to none. And I gotta say, it kinda felt like the ground was pulled out from underneath me. But those are feelings. These are the facts.

After visiting a fertility specialist and getting the 411 on the IVF, it became clear to us that adoption was the way we wanted to expand our family. After researching a few agencies and asking around, we applied with Christian Homes and Family Services. We completed the pre-application in January and attended orientation in March. Now we’re tackling the big ol’ mound of paperwork for our official application.

We are pursuing a domestic, open adoption – which means we will most likely meet and know the birth mother prior to the baby’s birth. In fact, she will choose us from a group of potential birth parents. Our child will most likely know his or her mother’s background and will most likely keep some sort of relationship with her after our child’s birth. I say “most likely” because every situation is different. And if there is one thing I’ve gathered so far from this whole process, it’s to keep a loose grip on any of my expectations.

Answers to FAQ’s:

• We are not given the option to choose gender.
• We specified that we are open to any race.
• We were required to list certain medical challenges we were unwilling to accept - which is basically the weirdest, most difficult checklist to complete ever.
• Our goal is to complete the application process by June 1st.
• Once our application is complete, we will have a home study done.
• After the home study is complete, the average wait time is 18 months. <deep exhale>
• After the baby is born, our birthmother is required to wait 48 hours before signing parental rights away.
• There’s a 4-6 month period after the birth before we go to court, and the adoption is finalized.
• After all is said and done, the adoption will cost around $26,000. Yes, it might be a little tacky to talk about money, and yes, that’s a lot of money. But it’s a reality. And if you happen to have piles and piles of cash lying around that you’d like to get rid of, we’ll gladly take it off of your hands.

Believe me, I have plenty of feelings about all of those facts, but that’s for another post. And while I also have plenty of reservations about the process, the Lord has been sweet to affirm us along the way.  For example:

• When we were waiting for our second set of test results last summer, David took the opportunity to play guitar for another church’s Sunday services – something he rarely does. That morning, he met a drummer who had a very similar story to ours. He couldn’t stop talking about how much he loved his adopted son – and how much he loved the agency they chose. That day, David came home, and we had our first real discussion about the possibility of adopting. And the agency was Christian Homes.

• We went to orientation in March along with 5 other couples. One of the women grew up in Garland (our home town), and we found all sorts of connections between us. And the couple we sat next to knew my brother and sister-in-law through their church. Small world.

• After orientation, we came home to look at the Christian Homes website. One of the couples waiting for a baby lived next door to us. One week later, we saw them walking down the street with a stroller and the sweet baby girl they had just been placed with. Our next. door. neighbors, y’all….

In moments when the process seems too overwhelming or I’m struggling with one of the many emotions I’m feeling, these moments remind me of His faithfulness.

So. Those are the facts. I’m sure I’ve left something out, but hopefully this gives you a better picture of where we’ve been and where we are now. Questions are welcome, but I may not have answers just yet. Stay tuned to find out where we go from here.   

Great expectations.

Alright, y'all.... We. are. adopting!!

The more I say it, the more real it becomes. The more I consider the idea of bringing a baby home to keep and raise and love... the more real it becomes. Now, the further we get into the process (ahem, paperwork), the more it seems like this thing may never happen. But the fact remains: we are adopting. And with that fact comes a slew of emotions: excitement, fear, anticipation, hope… And with that fact also comes a lot of history as well – a lot of background. So, to keep you in the loop (and to fulfill one of the requirements of our adoption agency), I’ve started this blog.

I’ve never been a very good liar. The biggest lie I remember telling was on New Year’s Day in 9^th grade. “No mom, I didn’t go to that party last night.” My attempted deception lasted a whopping five minutes. Almost immediately, I trudged back to the living room - heart pounding, eyes welling, lip quivering... I told my mother the truth, though she probably already knew I was lying, and that look of disappointment in her eyes was more than enough to keep me from telling any more tall tales. To her or to anyone, really.

So, when I come to this place to write, you can bet I’m being honest. Minus those saccharine social graces that any good Southern woman has studied (though I admittedly haven’t mastered), I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. And the Lord happened to give me a heart that feels. A lot. And often. So this is my official disclaimer: What I write here will probably have a lot to with how I feel. And my thoughts and feelings might concern you or even offend you. But to divorce those feelings from the facts would undermine this blog’s intention – to give you an accurate idea of what we’re going through. To keep you informed. To give you a few ways to pray for us – and even support us if you so choose.

I do intend to give you factual updates about our adoption progress. In fact, my next post should catch you up to speed, so stay tuned for more details. While David loooooooooves to write (wink wink), for the most part, you'll be hearing from me. And just FYI - I've disabled comments. I love y'all, but if you want to tell me that we're crazy - or even if you want to tell me that we're awesome - I'm gonna need you to do that in private. For now, know that we are grateful to the Lord for the story He’s given us. We hope you enjoy reading it along with us.

Eeeeeek!