So.... June 1st has come and gone.... and so has July 1st.
And we’re still not done with paperwork. The bad news is that we missed our own
personal deadline. The good news is that we’re sooooooooo close.
The left-hand column is everything needed to complete our official application. The yellow things are finished, and everything else is at
least in progress. When we didn’t finish everything at the beginning of June,
we kinda lost our drive. A few other small storms blew through (figuratively
and literally) that took our eyes off the goal. Thankfully in the last few
weeks, we got back in the game, and we’ve turned almost everything in. Every
time we email our agency with new forms, they send us an updated checklist –
and it feels so good.
* * * * *
Things never really seem to slow down, do they? I find
myself pretty restless these days. I can’t seem to be still or silent. Now,
don’t get me wrong, I can waste time
with the best of them. Netflix is kinda the devil, isn’t it? And the beckoning summer
sun has wooed me a time or two more than I should have responded. But idleness
is not restful. It’s actually a thief. It cleverly entices and distracts me
from my aim, convincing me that it’s granting me peace. Right from under my
nose, it steals my thoughts, my energy, my focus from the one in which I find
true rest: Stillness. Silence. Breathing deeply the Word and presence of God.
A long time ago, I told a friend of mine that I had trouble
falling asleep at night, and he taught me how to hypnotize myself. I mean, not
for real, but sorta. When I can’t seem to shut down my thoughts, he told me to
focus my mind on one single image. Something simple – easy to picture. I picked
a cross. By redirecting my thoughts back to that one image, my brain stops
ping-ponging enough that it starts to slow down, and eventually it shuts down. Weird, right?
It’s harder than it sounds, though. Sometimes it feels like
I spend more energy trying to focus on that one image than it would if I just
let my mind wander and drift. But in the end, it almost always works. And I
fall asleep with the image of a cross in my head. Not a bad way to end the day.
It’s the same when I go running. (Which does not happen very
often – I’ll take a super long walk over a short run any day.) If I just throw
on my tennis shoes and go, I get easily distracted by my surroundings. By the pounding
of my feet on the pavement, by the sweat beading up on my brow, by the gasping
of breath that typically starts after just a few minutes of jogging. But. If I
steady my gaze on a fixed point in my line of vision. If I zero in on that one
spot, I get in the zone. My body relaxes. My breathing evens out. My muscles do
what they’re supposed to, and I just run.
If you haven’t followed me there, my point is this. Not to
fix my eyes on finishing paperwork – though that is a clear and attainable goal
– a good and right thing for which to strive. But to fix my eyes – my mind, my
attention, my energy – on Jesus. To focus on the cross and the work that was
accomplished there. To redirect my wandering thoughts back to the Prince of Peace –
because there, and only there, do I find true rest.
